It's Five O'Clock in Israel

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IT’S FIVE O’CLOCK IN ISRAEL
A short play for the seder
By: Jessica Weaver, Sarah Sweet and Stav Bendor

CHARACTERS

Narrator
Pharaoh
Advisor

“PARROTHEADS”

Slave / PARROTHEAD 1
Slave / PARROTHEAD 2
Slave / PARROTHEAD 3
Slave / PARROTHEAD 4
Slave / PARROTHEAD 5

Herald
Yocheved
Princess
Miriam
Toucan
God
Moses
Aaron

NARRATOR: The story of Moses has been told and retold. It is a reminder to the Jewish people – and to all of us – that it hasn’t always been five o’clock somewhere. Once we were all slaves to The Man, but now we all have our toes in the water, ass in the sand. We once thought climbing the corporate ladder was the ultimate goal, but now we party with a purpose. In our times of despair, it is important for us to remember that the heart of Margaritaville lives on in all of us.

And so, this year, as in all years before, for generation upon generation, we tell the story of Passover. Now, I invite you to chillax, grab a margarita, kick off your flip flops, and listen to this tale. We begin in corporate Egypt, nowhere near the beach….

PHARAOH: Advisor, bring me the latest census report. I want to know all the people who I rule over!

ADVISOR: Yes, boss. I have the numbers here.

PHARAOH: Let’s see. Nubians, Midians, yes, very good. Are there really that many Hebrews? Or as they like to call themselves, “Parrotheads”?

ADVISOR: Oh yes, boss. They are growing in number.

PHARAOH: Do you think that might be a danger? Perhaps they will challenge my rule (take PTO) – make demands. You know how these workers are always complaining about the size of the rocks for the new Pyramids. I am worried that they will band together to rise up against me!

ADVISOR: Yes, boss, you are right, we must do something to break their spirits.

PHARAOH: First, let’s start with something small. We’ll eliminate the free La Croix in the office refrigerator. If that doesn’t work, we’ll implement a closed-toed shoe dress code. If that doesn’t break them, then we’ll turn to harsher measures.

NARRATOR: The Parrotheads struggled to keep up with Pharaoh’s demands.

PARROTHEAD 1: My feet are killing me in these shoes. And they can’t breathe, oy! I can’t take this.

PARROTHEAD 2: I wish I could just put on my flip flops and lay on the beach. No team can work like this. We’ll fall over.

PARROTHEAD 3: Put your shoes back on, The Man is coming!

ADVISOR: Efficiency, people! We have to file 900 more papers by the end of the day. Hope you guys are ready for a late night!

PARROTHEAD 4: We are working as fast as we can, boss. Are you saying we’re going to miss happy hour?!

ADVISOR: Listen, smart aleck, I’ve got a lot of pressure on my shoulders. If The Man doesn’t get his papers, we’re all out of a job. As The Man says, “If you’re not stressed, you’re not working hard enough!”

PARROTHEAD 5: We haven’t had a break or a La Croix all day!

ADVISOR: And you are not going to get one! Why go to therapy when there’s bubble wrap?!

NARRATOR: We join Pharaoh back in his corner office on the top floor of a downtown skyrise.

PHARAOH: This is not good. We have way too many beach bums in these cubicles – er, streets.

They are not cut out for this corporate lifestyle. How do I know that in time of crisis they might not turn against us? I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead. I must find a way to get rid of these laid back hippies.

HERALD: Hear ye, hear ye. It is hereby decreed by Pharaoh, CEO of Intensive Labor and Bureaucracy, that any new Parrotheads in corporate Egypt be forced to dry off and renounce all beach vacations.

YOCHEVED: There is no way that I will let Pharaoh keep my baby off of island time. I will fly him to St. Somewhere.

NARRATOR: Yocheved put her baby into a giant hollowed out coconut, and hid it in the reeds by the river. She sent her young daughter Miriam to hide nearby and watch. Soon, the Princess (VP of Marketing) came down to the water to bathe.

PRINCESS: What is this? Let’s not let this baby waste away in Margaritaville. I will take him with me.

MIRIAM: We can’t have Moses becoming a corporate sellout, he should feel connected to the Jewish people and the beach life he comes from. Now that he’s on a strict 9-to-5 schedule, we’ll get close to him and crack the Princess. We’ll go fast enough to get there and slow enough to see.

NARRATOR: And so Yocheved’s son, Moses, grew up as the Pharaoh’s protege, with all the riches and prestige that such a position entailed. But still, Moses felt great pity for the Parrotheads-slash-enslaved-Jews. One day, he came across an Egyptian mocking a slave for wearing a Hawaiian shirt and flip flops. With a heart filled with rage, Moses attacked the guard and then he, too, set his clock to beach time. Of course, by doing so he was breaking the office dress code and would have to face Pharaoh as a consequence. So, he ran away to the beach and became a shepherd.

TOUCAN: caw-caw

NARRATOR: One morning, one of Moses’ toucan’s strayed from the B.E.A.C.H. (Best Escape Anyone Can Have). Moses followed the toucan all the way to the little tiki bar on the shore and came across a bush that was burning, but not being consumed. He turned to look at it, and God called out to him.

GOD: Moses

MOSES: Aloha!

GOD: I am God and I have seen the pain of the enslaved Jews in corporate Egypt. I’ve got a Caribbean soul I can barely control. I have come to deliver the Jews out of the hands of the Egyptians and that Pharaoh, and to bring them out of Egypt to a better place – Key West, Florida. Life has given the Parrotheads limes, now it’s time to make a margarita. And now, I will send you to Pharaoh so that you can deliver my people to the promised land.

MOSES: WAIT. I can’t do this. I blew out my flip flop and stepped on a pop top. I’m not ready to be the leader of the Parrotheads. The head Parrot.

GOD: May you always have a shell in your pocket and sand in your shoes.

MOSES: What should I tell the people? When they ask who sent me, what should I say? What is your name even?

GOD: ‘I AM THAT I AM’; Tell everyone and they will listen to you. I am Jimmy Buffett. Pour me something tall and strong, make it a hurricane before I go insane. It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care. It’s five o’clock somewhere.

MOSES: Umm…

GOD: Yes, I am a pirate. Two hundred years too late. The cannons don’t thunder, there’s nothing to plunder. I’m an over 40 victim of fate.

MOSES: …..

GOD: Cheeseburger in paradise. Heaven on Earth with an onion slice. Not too particular, not too precise. I’m just a cheeseburger in paradise.

MOSES: Those aren’t kosher.

GOD: Take life with a grain of salt. Several of them. All around the rim of my glass.

MOSES: Is this going to be done any time soon?

GOD: I know that Pharaoh will not let you leave, except by a mighty hand. And I will put forth my hand and my Coral Reefer Band, and after that he will let you go.

MOSES: God, please. I can’t do it! What about my lispth. Can you pleasth thsend thomeone elth?

GOD: Change your attitude so we can change your latitude. What about Aaron? I know that he can speak well. He works like a captain, and plays like pirate Tell him about me, and put the words in his mouth. I will teach you both what you should do.

NARRATOR: And so Moses went to the Parrotheads, and told them how God promised them margaritas on every day that ended with a ‘y,’ and convinced them that God had spoken to him. He then went to the Pharaoh and told Aaron what to say.

AARON: Listen up, Pharaoh! We are here to demand, in the name of a really chillax God, that you release the Hebrew people from slavery.

PHARAOH: Good show, good show. So, Aaron and Moses, back after all of these years to bring shame on yourself? I could call you something, but I think I'll just call it a day.

AARON: You cared for my brother Moses for many years. At one time, he loved you. But he is the son of a Hebrew slave. Does that mean anything to you?! Breathe in, breathe out, move on Pharaoh. The Parrotheads are leaving.

NARRATOR: God sent many plagues to Egypt. He turned the water in the Nile to blood, he sent a plague of frogs, he sent lice and flies, and he made all the pineapples rot so they could no longer make piña coladas.

AARON: Now will you let my people go?

PHARAOH: No.

AARON: We’re getting paid by the hour, older by the minute. My boss just pushed me over the limit.

NARRATOR: Plague after plague continued to fall on Egypt. Cattle illness, boils, hail, locusts and darkness. Remarkably, the plagues only touched the corporate Egyptians. The Parrotheads were safe under their palm trees and 80 degrees.

AARON: Pharaoh, we don’t know what else we can do to make you see that eventually you’ll have to give in. God told Moses that the next plague will kill the firstborn of every Egyptian household. Don’t let this happen. Let my people go!

PHARAOH: I do not know your god, and I will not let your people go. It will never be five o’clock here. Get out!

NARRATOR: God came to Moses and had him tell the Jewish people to slay a lamb and mark their doors with its blood and a wear a lei around their neck. Then, the Angel of Death surfed over Egypt. He took the lives of all the firstborn, except for those in the homes marked with blood. It was devastating! The people of Egypt were saddened and horrified.

ALL SING:

Wasting Away in Plague-arita Ville

Nibbled on by locusts
Tryin’ to get some rest
All those Egyptians covered in boils

Blood on my six string
Frogs on my porch swing
All of our pineapples beginning to spoil

Wastin’ away again in Plague-aritaville
Searching for my long lost chance to bolt
Some people claim that there’s a firstborn to blame

But I know
*ba ba ba ba ba*
It’s Pharaoh’s fault

Darkness’ the reason
Lice here all season
Nothing to show but a sick cow or two

But it’s a real beauty
Wild animals have cooties
How they all got here I haven’t a clue

Wastin’ away again in Plague-aritaville
Searching for my long lost chance to bolt
Some people claim that there’s a firstborn to blame

But I know
*ba ba ba ba ba*
It’s Pharaoh’s fault

AARON: Pharaoh, we are sorry for your loss. There’s booze in the blender, and soon it will render. A concoction that will help you hang on. But now that you have seen how powerful God is, will you let my people go?

PHARAOH: You need a holiday. Take a holiday. Just go.

NARRATOR: In our seder, we fill our wine up to remember our joy in being able to escape corporate Egypt for Margaritaville. Yet our happiness is not complete, because the Egyptians suffered from the plagues, and eventually were killed so that we could be free. Therefore, we spill a drop of wine from our cups as we say each plague.

ALL: BLOOD, FROGS, LICE, BEASTS, CATTLE DISEASE, BOILS, HAIL, LOCUSTS, DARKNESS, PLAGUE OF THE FIRSTBORN

AARON: Remember this day in which you came out from Egypt and out of the house of bondage. Jimmy Buffett has brought you from this place, and he will lead you to the Promised Land.

MOSES: We must go quickly before Pharaoh changes his mind.

MIRIAM: Moses, we won’t yet have cut the pineapples!

AARON: It doesn’t matter, we have to cruise on back home.

PHARAOH: I have just let my Parrotheads fly free. This is not good for the people of Egypt. All that my fathers have worked for will vanish if I lose the Hebrew slaves. Who will build the pyramids? Who will build the cities? Who will organize the office happy hours? The entire economy of Egypt will collapse without the Hebrews. I WANT MY PARROTHEADS BACK.

HERALD: All soldiers and warriors – get your swords and armor. Saddle your horses. We’re going after them!

MIRIAM: Look! The Egyptians are coming! They will kill us all! Moses, DO SOMETHING!

MOSES: Do not be afraid. God has provided for us up to now, and he will continue to do so. Never give up for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.

GOD: Lift up your rod and stretch out your hand over the sea, and divide it; and the children of Israel shall walk through the sea on dry land. On the other side is a beach and somewhere warm. And a very attractive cabana boy.

NARRATOR: Moses stretched out his staff, and the children of Israel walked through the parted waters. When Pharaoh’s armies followed in pursuit, the waters closed in on them and hit them all. Fins up!

MOSES: We made it across the Red Sea! We are free!

NARRATOR: And Miriam took a timbrel in her hand, and all of the women went out after her with timbrels and danced. Then, the Hebrew people followed Moses toward the Promised Land and dreamed in colors borrowed from the sea. Finally, Margaritaville is at peace.

haggadah Section: -- Exodus Story